Parents know this from firsthand experience, but I’d argue that this is pretty much a universal sentiment that all can agree on, so this blog applies to everyone reading it. However, before we all nod our heads, there’s a qualification which needs to be made here.
Given the world we live in, it’s extra hard raising a child in a godly home, one that practices what it preaches. Part of the issue is that parents are flawed sinners, too, often struggling to keep their own lives on track, never mind keeping after their children who were born akin to “sons of disobedience” (Ephesians 2:2). God sets a high bar (not complaining, just speaking plainly and empathetically).
The good news is that the Word of God has a lot to say about godly parenting. The challenge is that since the bar is set much higher for God’s own, we mustn’t compare our parenting skills to those of unbelievers.
Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.
- Titus 2:7-8
There’s a very heavy focus on training and discipline in the Bible when it comes to parenting. Both things imply hard, persistent labor. They simply cannot be seasonal or exclusively at times of convenience. They must always be in favor of our children, when they need us most.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
- Proverbs 22:6
Godly discipline isn’t going to kill anyone.
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.
- Proverbs 23:13
An undisciplined child is a bomb ready to explode. And whose shame is it when an undisciplined child misbehaves?
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
- Proverbs 29:15
There’s a brand of parenting, even among those who claim to be Christians, that I’ll call, “surviving kids”. This parent is someone who considers raising their children a daily affliction rather than a joy. They fail to realize that to assert discipline is to love them dearly. This reminds me of those horrible husbands who say such things like they need to take care of “the ole’ ball and chain” (referring to their wives). Really, people? Your family is a burden that you need to ‘survive’???
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
- Psalm 127:3-5
Training and discipline also imply persistence, always. To borrow from Holy Scripture, parenting requires diligence.
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
- Deuteronomy 6:6-9
How are you going to do any of this if at the first sign of fussing or drama from them you say, “Here’s your iPad, go play on it,” or “Do you wanna watch some Disney cartoons?” When God entrusts young, impressionable souls to your charge, you shouldn’t be employing electronic surrogates to do your job.
When your kids start fussing, that’s precisely the time to teach them a lesson! That’s your opportunity to love them the way God loves you!!!
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
- Proverbs 13:24
If God our Father never took the opportunities presented to Him to discipline you, where would you be right now? What kind of parent would He be? Would you know His love as you do today and therefore honor Him the way you do?
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
- Ephesians 6:1-4
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
- Colossians 3:20
How can a child “obey” their parents if their parents refuse to invest in their obedience?
If you’re going to proclaim along with every other marginal parent in this world that “raising kids is hard work”, then at least ensure your words are substantiated by good labor.
The rewards of good parenting are delightful, pleasing to the Lord!
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
- Hebrews 12:11
Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
- Proverbs 29:17
Sure, raising your kids in the faith comes at a premium (especially compared to those in the world), but would you expect it to be any other way? I mean, this is your contribution to the welfare of a confused little person who often thinks they know better than you (just ask a teenager)! You have one shot at this (there are no do-overs to be had when you finally decide to invest in your kids’ future). To raise them properly is to love them.
How will a child ever endure if you don’t? You must show them firsthand what discipline is!
It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?
- Hebrews 12:7
There’s a big difference between “surviving” kids and raising them properly, according to God’s Word. Anyone can have kids, right? All it takes is sex. Even animals can do that. Anyone can pick them up at school or dance practice and feed them. Anyone can claim to be a good parent. Are you to be complimented for simply providing the basics?
Does [the master] thank the servant because he did what was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.’”
- Luke 17:9-10
God holds His own children to a high standard as parents. Persistent training and discipline performed diligently over years is what makes it truly “hard”. But isn’t your child’s well-being worth it? Or would you rather take the easy, ungodly route and leave parenting your child up to the world and the myriad devices it offers up to stand in your place?
Love in Christ,
Ed Collins
