Depression, anxiety, sadness, etc.…these are all essentially the same thing (for the sake of brevity, I will hold them as such). Let’s just agree to loosely define depression as anything that presses you lower than you have a right to be, especially in Christ Jesus, as a believer. Let’s also hold our thoughts to believers only (there are too many disjointed maladies in existence among the ranks of unbelievers on this topic).
When we’re young and without much to care about, we sometimes mope around in a certain state of depression because our favorite toy broke, or we got grounded for sassing our parents, or for being unfriended (choose your poison), etc. Is this kind of depression real? Sure. Is it debilitating? It depends upon the severity of the situation. But, I’ll tell you what it isn’t…it isn’t great, at least not by comparison. Losing a possession, or some free time, or even a friend pales in comparison to losing blessings from God.
This is where true humility comes into play. Do not read any further in this blog until you understand this point: the greatest depression we’ll ever know as believers is to live in sin and refuse to confess it; that is, to live a lie in the presence of our Lord. We will waste away from it.
I’m writing this blog as my own healing has just begun. I’m not about to confess my sin to you, so don’t ask (it’s something buried deep inside of me, unique to my own relationship with God, nothing worth you trying to even guess because while very common, it is rarely, if ever, even talked about among believers). Just trust me when I say that living in sin crushes you.
David was, if nothing else, humble. His humility was always the vehicle for his deliverance. The same goes for you and me. We all sin. We are commanded to confess it...all of it. We can lament all we want, groan to others, and pray to God for relief. We can stretch and squirm, even attempt to improve our disposition with a happy dance, but nothing will work until we confront and confess the sin we’re living in. There’s no other pathway out of our depression. Let me say that again...
There is no other pathway out of our depression than confessing our sin before God. Youthful depression (the type that we learn about when we’re young) is fleeting, usually because the thing we’re so wound up about is replaced eventually by a shiny new object and our affections are restored. But there is no replacement for God (keep repeating that to yourself). Though we try out substitutes, nurturing them, stroking them, loving them…the truth is that turning our back on God is the surest way of diving headlong into depression. Remaining silent about it only exacerbates our blight.
David, the humble one, shares:
When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away
Through my groaning all day long.
For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer.
Selah.
I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I did not hide;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD”;
And You forgave the guilt of my sin.
Selah.
Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found;
Surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him.
You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble;
You surround me with songs of deliverance.
Selah.
— Psalm 32:3-7
David wrote Psalm 32 based on personal experience, just as I am writing this blog to you today. He described depression as well as any psychologist might; even better, if you’re a believer. Depression affects you physically, which is why some days, while suffering it, you just don’t seem to have the strength to get out of bed, not to mention the will. Depression is real. Our greatest affliction is when we are at odds with our Creator. This is the lesson David teaches us.
You might be reading this blog and already be thinking, “Where is this sin you speak of? I don’t see it in myself.” Keep looking. Our God isn’t cruel. “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find” (Matthew 7:7a). If you’re depressed, there’s something to find. Accept whatever God reveals to you. “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5). The key is a humble ear. Listen very closely. Go deep.
“From everyone who has been given much, much will be required” (Luke 12:48). The more you know better, the deeper the affliction. Nothing in this world is heavier than the weight of God’s righteous hand on unconfessed sin. If you’re suffering horribly from depression as a believer, this is the first place you ought to look. I did recently and finally succumbed to the truth about a sin I was living in. I’m a stubborn jackass, so it took a while. But, I’m writing to you today as a man delivered. Thanks be to God!
I [the Lord] will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go;
I will counsel you with My eye upon you.
Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding, [e.g., don’t be so stubborn]
Whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check,
Otherwise they will not come near to you.
— Psalm 32:8-9
So I ask you this, “What good is admitting you’re depressed in the absence of a willingness to find the root cause?” What good is taking the advice of worldly physicians when you have the Great Physician calling you to Himself for healing? Broken toys are replaceable, but a relationship with the Lord God is not. Nothing in this life, my dear friend, will depress you more than being at odds with Him (the Bible refers to this generally as disobedience). If you know God’s will, then do it. If you refuse, you are living in sin. This, my friend, is the true cause of your affliction.
David pleaded with God for mercy while confessing his sin:
O LORD, rebuke me not in Your wrath,
And chasten me not in Your burning anger.
For Your arrows have sunk deep into me,
And Your hand has pressed down on me.
There is no soundness in my flesh because of Your indignation;
There is no health in my bones because of my sin.
For my iniquities are gone over my head;
As a heavy burden they weigh too much for me.
My wounds grow foul and fester
Because of my folly.
I am bent over and greatly bowed down;
I go mourning all day long.
For my loins are filled with burning,
And there is no soundness in my flesh.
I am benumbed and badly crushed;
I groan because of the agitation of my heart.
— Psalm 38:1-8
Depression dims our outlook on life, doesn’t it? When it goes on too long, we can lose sight of our will to live even. David described this so beautifully:
Lord, all my desire is before You;
And my sighing is not hidden from You.
My heart throbs, my strength fails me;
And the light of my eyes, even that has gone from me.
— Psalm 38:9-10
Like many of us, David turned to his loved ones and they stood at a distance from him. The lesson here is to never expect your loved ones to deliver you. And don’t blame them for not trying - it’s not their job to be your savior. During my own recent bout of depression, I bit and clawed those closest to me, bleeding all over them and pleading with them for answers. They gave me none, other than the one that truly counts - seek God. I have good friends, huh? I do. I love them very much and owe each of them an apology.
My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my plague;
And my kinsmen stand afar off.
— Psalm 38:11
On the other hand, our enemies can smell when we’re weak! They lie in wait, taking advantage of us when we’re down. Never be surprised by worldly attacks designed to leverage your depression. “When it rains it pours,” as they say, right? Indeed. Your enemies lack scruples - compassion is not in their bag. Expect nothing except additional taunting from them.
Those who seek my life lay snares for me;
And those who seek to injure me have threatened destruction,
And they devise treachery all day long…
For I said, “May they not rejoice over me,
Who, when my foot slips, would magnify themselves against me."
— Psalm 38:12, 16
At the crescendo of your depression, before you are ultimately delivered, there’s always a reckoning with God and no one else. It must be with God, for He is the one you’ve sinned against. ”Against You, You only, I have sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified when You speak and blameless when You judge” (Psalm 51:4). God uses depression. It has a purpose, a corrective one. It is the rod of the Great Shepherd manifest in discipline. The world lies and tells us it’s not our fault, supplying myriad options at which the weak might point a finger; but, the truth is that it is our fault, and ours alone, for we are the ones who refuse to confess our sin...all of it. We must be willing to take the fall for it.
For I am ready to fall,
And my sorrow is continually before me.
For I confess my iniquity;
I am full of anxiety because of my sin.
But my enemies are vigorous and strong,
And many are those who hate me wrongfully.
And those who repay evil for good,
They oppose me, because I follow what is good.
Do not forsake me, O LORD;
O my God, do not be far from me!
Make haste to help me,
O Lord, my salvation!
— Psalm 38:17-22
Be ready to fall from your perch. David fell and was delivered. Likewise, for me. If you’re depressed, seek God, seek to confess whatever sin it is you’ve been living in. “Examine me, O LORD, and try me; test my mind and my heart” (Psalm 26:2). This is what true humility looks like. God gives grace to the humble, but is opposed to the proud (James 4:6). Do not go on protecting the unconfessed sin you’ve got tucked way back where you suppose no one can see (God sees the truth and holds you accountable). You have been a prisoner to your own stubbornness. Let it go and watch your depression evaporate like the morning dew!The humble have seen it and are glad;
You who seek God, let your heart revive.
For the LORD hears the needy
And does not despise His who are prisoners.
— Psalm 69:32-33
PS: So you really want to know what my sin was, don’t you? I’ll tell you in hopes that, if you find the same sin festering in you, you be delivered through humility. I was angry with God…’nough said...I have no intention of telling you why.
Love in Christ,
Ed Collins
